A letter to my Abuser

A letter to my Abuser

I wanted to talk a little bit more about myself and wanted to relay a true story about a counselor I used to have 10 years ago.  I had been seeing her for a few months when one day she asked that I write a letter to my abuser.  Unfortunately, my abuser was no longer able to deliver my letter to.  Back then I knew I suffered from depression, from growing up with all the abuse I went through since pre-school. 

My abuser did horrible, unimaginable things to me, things I will not go into detail about.  I am much older and wiser now, and even though what he did affects my life to this day.  I do not wish any child or adult to suffer the excruciating pain I endured as a child.

The images and nightmares I still have from time to time, have ruined me from becoming the person I wanted to be.  I am unable to work a normal job, much less any job due to my mental illnesses, from the suffering I endured.  Physically, I was fit to work, and I did work quite a few jobs for a few months at a time, but unable to maintain interest to continue.  So for a while, I wandered and worked intermittently when I felt well enough.  Unfortunately, any job I held did not last very long before I became bored or moved or whatever was going on in my life.

Part of my issue for not being employed very long is that I would wind up with men who abused and/or used me to get what they wanted.  I was too naive and scared back then to stand up for myself. I was not aware of the cycle I was in, because it was what I was accustomed to.

My counselor recognized my frustrations and recommended I write a letter to my abuser.  I thought she lost her marble..(yeah me, thinking she lost her marbles)...until she explained on what the contents of the letter should enclose.  Even then I had a hard time grasping why should I honor my abuser and waste my time writing this letter.

At first, I started to get irate with my counselor wondering why she wanted me to waste my time bringing up my past.  Then after I settled down, she explained what I should write about and what to do with the letter, once I finished writing it. She said when I am finished writing the letter, I needed to destroy it, by any means possible, light it on fire, tear it up, bury it...granted she did get a little more graphic and said even poop on it...(yeah wanted to delete that last one)...but like I said, I wanted to be honest with you.  So I went home, and my wonderful husband asked how my session went.  We are still happily married...(even though believe in a previous post mentioned, I still feel not good enough for him)...but deep down we truly are in love more and more.  Just knowing that helps me get through a lot of issues I experience.

Anyway, back to the letter, I won't use my abuser's real name.  But will give you the details of what I wrote about him.  Due to the fact some of this may be graphic, I toned the volume...er tone...down so anyone can read this.