What CAN Forgiveness DO for ME?

Forgiveness

Many of us have attempted to forgive people who have hurt us.  We feel it makes us a bigger or better person if we can stand up to our pain and say I forgive you. This is partially true, we have been influenced by our peers, loved ones, a spiritual leader, or some other form of deity perhaps.  I'll be honest, I was angry at GOD, my life, and the world for allowing me to go through so many years of abuse.  I blamed everyone, including myself at times.  It wasn't until recently, that I understood what forgiveness truly is,

According to the Mayo Clinic - "What is forgiveness? Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act's grip on you."

Previously, I wrote "A Letter to my Abuser", At the time of writing I did not know there was a second part to the story.  It was to be a story of "forgiveness".  After writing and destroying that letter I was still hurt and angry.  I was still mad at the world and still in pain over the immense struggle I endured from my abusers.

Trust me, even though this event took place over 20 years ago, well 30 years now.  I still couldn't accept that forgiveness would help me at all.  Once again I doubted my counselor; I felt that writing about the pain may be beneficial, but to forgive that "a-hole" for what he did was! I have to admit, I don't think I was a good client/patient.  I mean seriously, who in their right mind would want to forgive someone as evil as that?

At first, I thought that forgiveness meant to forget about my past trials I endured the pain, the immense suffering that occurred. No, it doesn't mean forgetting, but more so a life journey I have been going through to ease the pain and recognize the hurt.  So when I lashed out at my friends and family, including strangers, it was because I still needed to work on forgiving.  I finally realized that the pain will always be there, but what mattered most, is if I was going to let it control me. 

I realize that everyone goes through pain almost daily. Whether it is suffering from a divorce, a family member passing away, or someone physically hurting you or someone you love.  Pain is a natural part of life, everyone suffers at one time or another. So forgiveness is not about forgetting the hurt, but recognizing it and making a decision on how you are going to change its impact on you.  It's like walking along and a stranger steps on your toes by accident, you can yell and rave at them calling them names about watching where you're walking.  You could also, tell the person it's OK, you understand it was an accident and go on your way.

Years ago, my husband explained the same situation, he said just because something happens that hurt you, you can respond in 2 ways, in a negative way of aggression, or a positive way and work through it. Sometimes in life, we have to be retold or told by someone else. The words can be similar or close to it, but it is also the tone in which that person interacts with you and tells you the same thing.  So even though my husband told me first, it was my counselor who got me through it.  Granted it did have a good outcome, but I now pay a little bit closer attention to my husband's comments.

So forgiveness means different things to everyone. I hate quoting my husband but he says "Life is based on perception". Meaning everyone interprets their environment differently. So whatever we experience, our response is different based on who we are. My point is to continue to practice forgiveness before it devours your soul, and permanently changes who you are meant to be.  If I hadn't met my husband 16 years ago, he may not have inspired me to be the best me possible, and for that, I am grateful tremendously.

By no means am I saying I am perfect, far from it. But sharing with my readers makes me feel better inside hoping to INSPIRE them to be better people.  So I challenge you to seek out forgiveness to yourself and others whom you interact with daily. 

So by practicing forgiveness, you can enjoy a less stressful lifestyle, and avoid or minimize future incidents. Thus lessening the stress that may already be overwhelming at the moment.

One last thing before I let you go, I recently watched a video about forgiveness and I want to post the link here for you to watch. I hope you enjoy it and learn something to help you out of whatever pain you might be going through.

My prayers are always with you and am here if you wish to engage me in assisting you on your path.

Prayers,

Mandie