Why we Hurt the Ones we Love

Published on 18 March 2025 at 17:18

Why we Hurt the Ones we Love ~

I am not talking about our abusers hurting us, that is painful enough.

I am talking about how we hurt those close to us and why we do it. We all have our reasons, in the end it is hurting us more, instead of healing us from our past.

We hurt those we love for a variety of reasons, including unresolved past issues, fear of intimacy, codependency, impulsivity, and taking them for granted, ~ according to Google AI

Let's break it down further and work on stopping or at least minimizing the pain we inflict. Understanding the pain we inflict, we can then move forward and make our lives better.

  • Unresolved Past Issues:Past traumas or unresolved conflicts can surface in current  relationships, leading to hurtful behaviors.
  • Fear of Intimacy:
    Some people may unintentionally hurt those they love because they fear vulnerability and closeness, pushing loved ones away.

 

  • Codependency:
    In codependent relationships, one person may become overly reliant on the other, leading to unhealthy patterns of manipulation and control, which can manifest as hurtful behavior.

 

  • Impulsivity:
    Acting without thinking or reacting emotionally can lead to words or actions that cause pain, even if unintentional.

 

  • Taking Loved Ones for Granted:
    Feeling secure in a relationship can lead to a sense of entitlement, where individuals may not be mindful of their actions or words, potentially causing harm.

 

  • Repeating Harmful Patterns:
    If someone has experienced abuse or neglect, they may unconsciously repeat those behaviors in their own relationships, even with those they love.

 

  • Jealousy
    Jealousy of a partner's achievements can lead to hurtful words or actions.

 

  • Testing Relationship Boundaries
    Some people may test relationship boundaries by intentionally causing harm to see how their partner will react.

 

  • Self-Destructive Behavior
    Some people may indulge in self-destructive behaviors that negatively impact their loved ones.

 

  • Shame and Guilt
    Projecting shame, guilt, or self-loathing onto others can lead to hurtful behaviors.

 

  • Difficulty Seeing Others' Perspectives
    Having trouble seeing the other person's point of view can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

 

I am certain most of you have experienced one or many of these vicious cycles of behavior. I know I have, and am definitely not proud of it.

I realized how much time I wasted in past and even the beginning of my current relationship. Part of me felt it would turn out like all the others, so I didn't wait, before I began subtlety lashing out.

If it wasn't for my husbands patience and understanding we probably would have ended it weeks after we met. I am sooo grateful that he understood me and put up with my antics.

I believe he saw in me, things I didn't see or understand. He pushed and challenged me to be the best person possible.

It is why I fight so hard to help others, because if I could change; I have faith that you can as well..

Because it does take time to confront these demons (issues), I highly recommend a support group, counseling. If you don't seek help, then all is lost.

 

Prayers,

 

Mandie

 

I highly recommend this book. If you want to delve super deep into this attachment thing - some other reviewers mentioned additions and alternatives but I wouldn't. I am a very learned person, a very intelligent person and I didn't need anything more in depth than this book to help me to start to recognize patterns that needed to change. I think this book is best served to people who can admit where they are on the attachment continuum. I happen to be at a place in my life now, thanks to my psychiatrist and therapist, where I am able to let my guard down a bit and accept things that are difficult for me to accept.

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