My Rubber Ducky

Ducky Doo

This post is for parents to help communicate with their children who may have suffered or are suffering from sexual abuse.

According to Brave Hearts "The signs of child sexual abuse can vary depending on the child’s developmental stage and the circumstances of the abuse, such as how frequent the abuse is, who is inflicting the abuse and what kind of abuse is happening."

According to RAINN "If you notice something that isn’t right or someone in a child’s life is making you uncomfortable—even if you can’t put your finger on why—it’s important to trust your gut, continue to watch for signs of abuse, and talk to the child who may be experiencing abuse in age-appropriate ways."

As parents and caregivers we need to be wary of signs that could possibly signal a red flag in our children's behaviors.

Warning Signs:

• Anxiety and depression
• Change in eating habits
• Unusual fear of certain people or places; reluctance to be alone with a certain person
• Change in mood or personality, such as increased aggression
• Rebellion or withdrawal; runaway behavior
• Loss or decrease in interest in school, activities, and friends
• Unexplained or frequent health problems like headaches or stomach aches
• Self-harming behaviors
• Regression to previously outgrown behaviors, for example, bed-wetting or thumb sucking
• Abnormal sexual behaviors or knowledge of advanced sexual language and behaviors

Physical Symptoms:

• Signs of trauma to the genital area, such as unexplained bleeding, bruising, or blood on the sheets, underwear, or other clothing.
• Chronic stomach pain
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Constant Headaches

There may be other possible symptoms, as caregivers we need to pay close attention.

I can remember my first pet toy, her name was Ducky Doo. I can remember opening the package...or at least trying to, I was 5 years old at the time.

Ducky Doo was an smart little duck, not only was she a smart duck, she was my favorite toy.

At night, after we took our bath, Ducky Doo would come in my room and perch on top my dresser. She liked sitting on my dresser, there was a window behind it. There was a small white tattered curtain. When morning came the sun would glisten off her shiny body.

After a few weeks Ducky Doo felt comfortable and begin talking to me. I told her my favorite color is purple and hers was...of course yellow. Although she admitted that she liked purple as well. 

Ducky Doo would tell me adventures she had growing up, before she came to live with me. She would talk for a long time about anything that she wanted to.

It made me feel at ease knowing we could share our feelings and thoughts.

One morning she saw that I wasn't myself and asked me if I was OK?

I told her  "Yeah Ducky, I just had a terrible dream."

She looked at me in awe, and asked "Do you want to talk about it?

I replied "I don't know ducky, it was about a monster?"

Ducky waddled over to me and said, "Did it have to do with the yelling and crying I heard last night?"

I silently nodded my head, avoiding looking directly at Ducky.

Ducky asked me a strange question "Has you parents talked to you about your body and that you have a right to say NO, to anyone touching your privates."

I shook my head no, I then asked Ducky "What am I supposed to do?"

Ducky begin telling me about what parents need to teach us. Ducky gave me 7 tips for practicing safe behaviors to avoid or minimize sexual abuse.

Ducky said if you remember these 7 tips it will help you face your monster:

1. Talk about body parts early - meaning you need to know that if you get hurt or touched what the body parts name is.

2. Teach them that some body parts are private and set boundaries - You need to know there are parts of your body are not meant for anyone to touch in an inappropriate manner, like rubbing or touching use their privates or hands.

3. Teach your child that body secrets are not okay - If someone touches you in a way that makes you uneasy and asks you to keep it a secret; don't listen to them, tell a trusting adult.

4. No one should take pictures of their private parts or show you pictures or videos of other people's private parts.

5. Learn how to get out of scary or uncomfortable situations - You can say NO, or tell them you have to leave if possible, even tell them you feel like getting sick.

6. Have a code word your children can use when they feel unsafe or want to be picked up - You can have a word that your parents or caregiver know letting them know they need to pick you up and take you away from the situation.

7. Tell your child that these rules apply even with people they know and even with another child.

Ducky then asked me "Did you understand these 7 tips, to help keep you safe."

I said "Yes Ducky, I understand and thank you for letting me know."

After our discussion, Ducky and I went out to the living room to watch cartoons. I then said "Thank you Ducky, I'll know what to do."

Ducky let out a soft "Quack."

Prayers

Mandie