Understanding Abuse

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.

Most of us know what abuse is...For many of us it is pain is the epitome despair, being isolated, beaten with objects, terrified beyond belief.

I know, I have been there many many times, and YES, I was afraid of being killed.

When I was able to go and visit ,y parents, my ex-husband would only do so usually if he needed or wanted something. I have never felt more degraded wanting to tell them what was going on, but being to chicken sh*t to say anything.

I had no confidence in myself, and played along like a sick puppy pretending everything was alright. There were so many times I wanted to fight back, and when I tried I was ridiculed, teased and tormented, like it was nothing big to hit me. He made it sound like it rarely happened and no where as severe as it was in real life.

I was so belittled  and depressed and angry for not being strong enough to fight back, after all I have gone through this since the age of five. So what if my ex-husband beat me, maybe I deserved the treatment, After all he is male and the man of the house.

I kept thinking it is just a phase he will grow out of it, and when he did apologize, it was only to trick me and use me some more.

I felt well I am carrying his child and I married him, so I must try to be a good "bit*h", and obey his wishes.

Now that I am FREE and no longer around abuse, I feel I have disappointed my children by not standing up for them.

You know what I found out is that I should have acted sooner, my kids are messed up, because I waited too long to do something about it.

Although I blame myself my children are old enough to understand. My youngest son has taken anger management classes to avoid future issues.and learn methods to avoid being violent.

By the time I was mature enough to raise my children they were already older teens and unfortunately had to learn the hard way.

I am not proud of it, but it fuels me to want to help others before it is too late for them, especially if you have children.

I was not the only victim of the abuse, my children witnessed what their father did and it became a part of them.

If you are currently in an abusive relationship, reach out to someone ASAP. The longer you wait the worse it gets. I am here to talk to you, but more importantly you need to be alone, I understand it is lonely and difficult.

It took me being alone to realize that I have strength to do things on my own. I am constantly researching and looking for answers to make your life easier. I want you to know that you are not alone and continuously looking for resources to make your life easier.

As survivors we need to support each other, whether it is telling your story or linking on social media about sexual abuse that can encourage others to seek help.

Even if you want to remain anonymous in our correspondence, I will never give away any personal information. I will urge you to seek counseling, but it is when you are ready, and if you are in immediate help I will always recommend contacting the authorities.

I want you to know that 90 percent of the time, once the abuse starts it will not end. My advice to anyone getting abused is to leave as soon as you can and get help. regardless if it is sexual abuse or physical abuse. You deserve to live a happy life.

My DEEPEST Prayers,

Mandie